Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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