It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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