i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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