ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
