I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
