i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The best revenge is premature balding
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
