Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
