Small penises have feelings too.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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