wakey wakey hands off snakey
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
