Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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