she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
