I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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