she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
