She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
