whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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