I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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