When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
please come you make the beer taste better
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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