I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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