im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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