you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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