Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
