The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
pop tarts are not kleenex
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think your dad took our porno
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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