getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
