I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
