The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
