Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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