I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My bed smells like the plague
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
