I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
