This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
