Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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