I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
