Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
