Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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