I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
