I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
