The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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