Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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