I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
