dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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