i just wanna soil my oats bro
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
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You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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