How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So vagazzling was a success
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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