The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
