i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
