no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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