I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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