I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
