My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver