as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"