do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
