I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.