you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.