I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE