So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.