I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.