i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
