And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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