Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize