wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
