Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
