Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
