We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
do herpes really smell.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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