Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
