I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
