it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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