woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
