he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize