so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
