I am spending my child support on dildos
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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