Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
