..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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