he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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