I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dick very happy bro
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
