I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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