I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize