White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize