So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
