I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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