I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
