I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think people are normalizing furries
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
