You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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